Life is a weird journey.Everything in place at times,then again out of place.Shambles,pieces,here there,scattered.I cannot begin to explain the dynamics for they are inexplicable.How do you describe here and there.How would you break down up and down?What is up and down?The dynamics!I will not go there.
In my room seated,Friday night.Not dancing,not laughing the night away.Seated,silence.Only my thoughts speak:the sound of my pen making love to this paper.Not clumsy love making;careful,calculated love making.Yet uncertain,unsure love making.Is this paper the one?I'm I doing it right?Will this paper get there?Will I satisfy?What are the odds that there will be a next time?Will the paper come back for more?But then again,the paper always comes back for more.Because if my pen does not make love to my paper,the world seems incomplete.Life seems so.The glass is half empty,not half full.
It's Friday night.September is the month.Rain outside.
4 years ago I do not remember rain in September.4 years ago in September,my back ached,my tummy full;not with feeding;but....with a little heart,a little head,little feet,little hands,precious little hands.
I could not carry that weight anymore.Little had turned to big.The towel I threw in.The little had to and did come out.4 years ago,I do not remember the rain in September.I remember how the little came out.Not so little anymore now.Maybe four years little!!
"Wewe ni Jeff na mimi ni mum!"
"Bye Jeff.Have a good day at school,I love you." he waves and waits for me to leave.
I laugh,and wave back.But I am not playing along.How will I go to school and him to work.They don't allow children employees at my work place.Do they?
He pouts.
I am glad he knows that 'I love you' is constantly on my tongue.I promised myself that everyday I would tell him that I love him.Not a day passes by.He needs to know,see,understand and be certain that he is loved.He is human.We all need love.In my room,seated,Friday night.
I lost his file two weeks ago.I lost?No, I could not find his file.The file where I have been keeping all his school work,reports,Sunday school coloring,school fees receipts. THEEE FILE!I searched everyday after work for three consecutive days.Frustration.Everybody in the house could feel the tension.How does a whole file just disappear from inside a drawer.Did the drawer swallow it?Under the table,under the bed,under the couch,in my closet,almost inside the television;everywhere I looked in my room.Nowhere!
Today,Friday,before I sat here in silence,I decided to organize that file swallowing drawer.Pulled all of it out,placed it on the floor and would you look at that!Right inside where the drawer was,the file lay.The mystery that remains:How it got there.
I suspect the little.
I seat smiling in silence.Relieved.All his 'firsts' are still journaled, filed...safe!
Maternal love;is it overrated?I thought it was;used to look at mama and think-What does she fuss about all the time?Why does she treat us like eggs?Protecting us?Shielding us?
Maternal love is not overrated. It is underrated. Touch my offspring,touch my heartbeat;touch my heartbeat,touch my offspring. Inter connectivity,interwoven;two are one.It's a natural God-given love.Those who fail to express and feel it live a lie.In denial.
Show them that you love them,let them live everyday knowing they have unconditional acceptance.
We may fail at parenting,suck at it,but one thing remains naturally placed,the attachment.That is real whether we acknowledge it or not.Fruit of your womb,fruit of your loins.
Some are beautiful,others are more beautiful than some;some hurt,others hurt more than others.
Those that are beautiful in and out,those that make us happy,keep us happy,those patient with us,those that choose to stay,they grow us,teach us,those that embrace us,those that love us deeply,sincerely,wholly.Those are the ones to pay attention to,to invest time,energy & resources in. Those are the ones to love!
Some are beautiful,others are more beautiful than some!
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