This is a letter to the average matatu driver.
I will not start with: Dear Average Matatu Driver.
I will not because today, I do not feel like you are dear to me.Not when you do some annoying things repeatedly!
This is what you do:You normally wait for me to enter your matatu,then you put your hand on the radio knob and start flipping through stations.English radio station..pause..flip...Lugha ya Taifa radio station..pause...flip....Kuyo radio station...flip..flip.Sometimes you get to the Hindu radio stations and you pause.At this point I being to wonder if you are Indian.Then I realise you were just shifting gears and hence the pause.So you flip flip again and you're back at the Kuyo radio station.This is where I begin to cringe.
Dear Reader,
You who's reading this blog- unlike the average matatu driver-you are dear to me because you are taking time to read my blog. You appreciate the things that go through my head-which is covered in almost blonde hair.That does not however reflect the state of my brain.They were wrong..akili si nywele.You're part of the reason this blog is almost hitting three thousand page views.Thankyou for reading.
I just want you to know I really have nothing against Kuyos..nothing at all.My son is half Kuyo,let's just start there!My President is Kuyo.The guys in my office sometimes (make that many sometimes) engage in the language.My besfriend as well is Kuyo(get used to me mentioning him by the way.But that's what bestfriends are there for!To be mentioned.)He does this thing where he mimicks a Kuyo man calling his sweetheart "honey". He says it in a deep horrid Kuyo accent.It's quite really hilarious!
I have nothing against Kuyos.
But really mister driver,you need to understand that this is a PSV you are driving.Public Service Vehicle.Yes it may be yours.You may have saved up for years and bought it.Or perhaps took a loan to get this wonderful commodity.Maybe you're just,you know,employed!I get it, this matatu brings in your bread and meat daily sir.I respect and appreciate that. Above all else when you settle on that Kuyo radio station and start nodding your head to the Kuyo muziki,we get it,you're a Kuyo driver.
But sir,I need you to know KENYANS are seated in this your valuable asset.Well we could argue that chances are three quarter of them are your tribesmen..seeing as how statistics and their numbers countrywide..but!
What happens to kina Paul Tergat's cousins seated in this matatu when you settle on that Kuyo radio station?Aren't they left clueless as to what is forcefully hitting their ears?Or do you want them to alight and walk(sprint?run?jog?) to their destinations because...talent in footwork et cetera, if they can't stand the music?
What about the dark guy seated at the back seat?The guy whose people do justice to the Lake that is Victoria.Those ninjas who can simultaneously catch two fish with one fishing rod(as if they use fishing rods).What about him?Isn't he quite really left out as the Kuyo songs drum on.
[What's Mwomboko by the way?That word came to mind today as I listened to the Kuyo beats going on and on this
morning.Mwomboko.Sounds like those Kikuyu songs that sound like Kao songs.Make sense?No?Then tell me what it means.]
And me?What about me, the girl from Ameruca?At some point during my morning journey, I began thinking maybe God wants me to learn Kikuyu!I'm proud to say I understood three words as I listened to the guy reading news.I knew it was the news he was reading because eeh...he had a newsie tone.(The beauty about writing is that you can quite really come up with words and no one will do nothing about it!) The three words were Motogoria wa Misri.
A few years ago,before I found Jesus(ehem), we were seated at a pub somewhere with a he-friend.As his boys checked in one by one,they would heartily greet each other with the phrase "Karibu Motogoria' and high five each other-or shoulder five each other;whichever the alcohol in their heads beseeched them to do.Apparently that was the Kuyo version of "Niaje mzito".It was then though, that I learnt that the real meaning of Motogoria is leader. I'm guessing the news guy today was reporting something about the President of Egypt..or was it the Prime Minister?I can't be sure.
So Driver X, I am making a humble request this morning.Actually I'm just giving you three options, here in my blog, which you are obviously not reading right now because you're busy flipping through radio stations:
One:Please settle on a station where they speak a language we can all understand or
Two:Don't settle on any station at all.Forget you have that music system in your PSV.Allow us to enjoy some quiet in the morning as we journey to work, and in the evening as we journey back home-especially in the evenings or
Option Three:Just, you know, relocate to Central Kenya.I'm sure the bloggers in Central Kenya don't whine about,Mwomboko and things like those!
With Love,
Karambu Luruti!
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LOL!I can totally relate!
ReplyDeletei thought they only do that on on my route...plus this classic fm station....
ReplyDelete